Sunday, January 24, 2010

Saying Goodbye....

I now have 2 babies that I have never had the chance to hold. 
We were told on Thursday, after looking at the ultrasound, that the baby did not
grow past 6 weeks, and the heart stopped. 

So, here at home I've been since Thursday, for the most part, sitting in my
pj's and not up to going out and about. 

I skipped the farm market yesterday.  I do apologize to my customers.  I just
could not make myself spend the day "business as usual".

My D&C was scheduled for tomorrow morning at 6 am.  I am rescheduling because there
is no way in the world I will be able to make the appt. at that time.  I want Al with me,
but those cows still have to be milked.  That's our reality, dairy business goes on.  Plus,
I would have to pull out of here no later than 4 am. 

And, maybe I'm just dragging my feet about the appt.  I want to be ready, not make the
appt. in a hurried way.  The news was so sudden, and I don't think I was even to myself when
they made the appt.  Now, I'm a little clearer, and have some questions to ask regarding it.

Emily is understanding very well.  I'm so glad we chose to tell her about the baby.  She would be
very scared at my hospital visit this week if she did not know why.  She told me that she
would take care of me. 

I will be going to an Endocrinologist (sp????).  The appt. for that is April 2.  Such a ways off!
It will be good to be with a specialist regarding my diabetes.  Thankfully my numbers are
heading in the right direction, and consistently.  I will make that the positive of the sadness.


Mandie said...

Renae, I am sorry for your loss. May God be with you during this time.

~Kim~ said...

Renae, I am so very sorry...I know what a difficult time this is for you, and it's made more difficult because you just want daily life and the world to stop and it won't--I do think it's okay that you've "checked-out" for a little while--It'll be here when you're ready to face it again. I'm sending comforting thoughts in your direction...Take-care...

Carol said...

So sorry for your loss.

Terri and Bob said...

I so feel for you. I have you in my prayers.

Mardell said...

Oh Renae,
I can't tell you how sorry I am...:o( I was SO excited for you when you found out you were pg. I wish I had comforting words for you. Please remember that I'll be thinking of you & praying for peace within. Many hugs, my friend.

Tony, Jimi, Nicki, Joey, Ryan and Kaycee said...

Oh Renae...I so know the feeling, and I am so sorry for you. I know how you wanted this, and I wanted it for you.
I will be thinking of you all during the next little while.

Remember, God has a plan for you. We may not always know or understand His will...but His plan is solid. Rest on him...

Hugs to you, sweetie!

Amy said...

Renae - I'm so very sorry for your loss. Praying for your healing.

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